Category Archives: Movies

Star Trek: Discovery

As many of you know, I am a life long Trekkie, yes, I said Trekkie, not Trekker. I consider Trekker to be pretentious, I don’t care if people don’t take me seriously or not, so my preference is Trekkie. I have seen every episode of every Star Trek series multiple times. Even the much panned Enterprise and Voyager shows were better than 90% of everything that has ever been on TV. I have also seen Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan more times than i can count. It should come to no surprise that I took time out of my vacation to watch the first two episodes of the new series.

So what did i think, well I liked it, I thought it was very Trek. The opening scene on the desert planet, was very Trek, Burnham’s space walk is very reminiscent of Spock’s in The Motion Picture, the plot, “A Federation ship finds a Klingon sacred burial ground in Federation space.” has a very Trek like moral dilemma to it. Setting aside the new look for the Klingon’s, I like the new added depth, we now get to see their spiritual side, the Torchbearer standing guard on the outside of the ship with a pike was just awesome.

What I did not like was the acting was a bit wooden, which I can live with, after all the first half of season one of The Next Generation was pretty awful. I was also not a big fan of this being an origin story for Burnham, I would have preferred we get straight to it. I was also not a big fan of Burnham being Spock’s foster sister, they could have done the whole “Raised by Vulcans” without ever involving Sarek.

Things I got over and so should you; This is more of a sequel to Star Trek: Enterprise then it is a prequel to The Original Series. So there are no 60’s style turtleneck shirts and the sets have a more modern style to them. The Original Series was its core was cheap 60’s Sci-Fi television, building sets based on those designs would be very silly and very bad. Yes, the Klingon make up is different, but the make up is pretty good and helps set this show apart from those that went before it.

So far, so good, I plan to watch the rest of the season, as with everything in my life, my hopes are high and my standards are low.

South Park

I was asked recently why I don’t like South Park. I gave the short answer at the time, “I don’t find stories about animated poop particularly funny or entertaining.”. This of course is in reference to Mr Handie, and I got the usual response, which is, “But that is only a couple of episodes, what about the other stuff?”, to which I usually respond, “It goes down hill from there.”. That is generally the end of the conversation.

The long version is, the show is basically glorifying a truly evil character who has murdered other characters on the show and sexually molested at least one other. I know Stan and Kyle are suppose to be the main characters but they are really not. The primary character is Eric Cartman, Kyle and Stan are just foils for him. They almost never win over him and even when they do occasionally win, the victory is short lived. Cartman is a complete shit bag, Kyle and Stan should just kill him and bury him in the back yard, because that would be doing humanity a favor and apparently there are no repercussions for murder in South Park. I dislike South Park for the same reason I dislike Game of Thrones, nothing good ever happens, and you cannot relate to any of the characters nor are any of them even particularly likable, even Stan and Kyle are smug little twits.

And this is without even getting into the obvious political bias of the show.

I have been thinking about this movie all week!

“Fritz! Get up for God’s sake, get up! They’ve killed Fritz, they’ve killed Fritz! Those lousy stinking yellow fairies, those horrible atrocity filled vermin, those despicable animal warmongers, they’ve killed Fritz! Take that, take that, take that you green slime! You black hairy short bowlegged…”

Review: Mr Robot

In theory, I should love this TV show, Mr Robot is a techno thriller borderline Cyberpunk story. It is about the main character raging against the evil mega corporation with plenty of liberal politics slathered in. I do not love this TV show, I do not even like it.

The pacing of this show is terrible, the character development and plot move in extreme slow motion. The show seems to be constantly on the verge of doing something, but never delivers. The music is a plodding strum that does nothing to enhance the experience. Even the parts that are suppose to be fast paced and exciting are nothing of the sort. During episode three, they did threaten the protagonist Elliot with some character development and GASP! even some human emotion, but alas, by the end of the episode he was right back to where he was at the beginning of episode two.

The characters in Mr Robot are even worse than the “FUCKING DO SOMETHING PLEASE!” pace of the show. The primary character is obviously suppose to be emotionally dysfunctional and distant. The problem is the actor, Rami Malek, is not good enough at his craft to pull this off. Instead of getting an interesting character with problems, we get a stone faced idiot staring at the world with dead uncomprehending eyes. With only one exception, every other character is completely boring, two dimensional and the female characters are the worst. The one exception is Christian Slater, who is not a great actor, but when he shares the screen with anybody else, he cannot help but dominate and shine, by virtue of being the only competent actor on the show. The problem is his character Mr Robot is unlikable and generally just a prick who needs to have his ass kicked.

I have watched the three episodes I give every new show that shows promise and this one failed to deliver on almost every level. If you are looking for a great techno thriller watch Person of Interest instead. Jim Caviezel and Michael Emerson are good actors who know how to pull off “Emotionally Broken” and still be likable and interesting. The show is fast paced and fun to watch and even the minor characters get their chance to shine and do interesting things.

Game of Thrones

Several months ago I bought the first season DVD set of Game of Thrones. After the first episode, I knew I was going to hate it and I did. I forced myself to watch the whole season, first because I tend to give TV shows 3 episodes before I judge them harshly and second, I spend cash on this shit and by god I am going to watch it to the bloody end. I almost stopped watching after Ned Stark was executed, but I bulldozed through. So here are my thoughts on this show;

1. Apparently George R.R. Martin can not write a normal sex scene to save his life. The closest thing we have is prostitute on dwarf sex, it goes down hill from there, to include rape and incest.

2. Apparently George R.R. Martin is compelled to kill off all his good characters leaving only the complete pricks.

3. Apparently George R.R. Martin can not let anything good happen to any of his characters, again, he seems compelled to torture them with miserable lives and everything they do to make things better, only makes it exponentially worse.

Seriously, by the end of the first season there were zero characters I cared about, all the sex scenes were of the EEWW variety and I felt like cutting my wrists because everything happening in the show made me feel bad. So I am sorry, but all you people who are claiming the is the best TV EVAR!, there is something wrong with you, please, go see a doctor, because this shit is really bad.

Review: Green Lantern

I went to see the Green Lantern movie this afternoon. Green Lantern is by far my favorite comic book character and has always embodied what I like most about comic books. Because of this, there really was no way I was going to be happy with this movie. As I had stated in earlier posts, my expectations for this movie were low. I did not care for many of the design decisions and I felt Ryan Reynolds was not a good choice for Hal Jordan.

With all of that said, Green Lantern was not a bad movie. In other reviews, critics complained the CGI costume and the CGI background were difficult to watch and produced this surreal look of Reynolds head floating around a CGI universe. Although the CGI costume was a bit cheesy, they did a pretty good job translating it from four color art to the big screen, unlike some other attempts. The other effects were perfectly fine and well done. My only real issue was making the main villain of the movie Parallax, an amorphous cloud. This didn’t really work for Galactus in the 2nd Fantastic Four movie and was only slightly better here.

Overall the script was decent, the actors did well and the actions scenes were good. Frankly I am not sure why this movie was panned. I think it was better than all of the X-men movies, at least as good as Batman Begins and definitely better than the first Ironman movie. Green Lantern had some week spots, but as far as I can tell this was a pretty decent superhero movie and did a passable job with the Hal Jordan/Green Lantern character and story. Go see the movie, you won’t regret it.

The Best Star Trek Episodes

I read The 10 Best Star Trek Episodes article at The Best Article Everyday with some reservations, this sort of thing is way too subjective and many a forum flame wars have been fought over this subject. I do not necessarily agree with all their choices, some of them seem to be stretching it to include one from every series (except Enterprise). However, it is a good try, there are several excellent choices and I 100% agree that Balance of Terror is probably the single best all time episode of Star Trek.

 

Review: Tron – Legacy

Normally I try to add some substance to these reviews, but Tron – Legacy was entirely “Meh”. While it did not suck, it was also not exceptional in any way. Don’t bother buying it unless you already have the original and are a completest of some kind. It is probably worth rotating through Netflix, but honestly, there is no hurry.

Review: Shadow of the Vampire

I really wanted to like this movie. It had a very novel approach to the vampire story. Shadow of the Vampire is a fictionalized account of the making of the 1922 film Nosferatu. In this movie, the leading actor, Max Schreck actually is a vampire the director hired to pretend he is an actor hired to play the vampire Count Orlok. Sadly, the movie is way too slow moving, this became apparent in the opening credits and continued throughout the movie. The acting is wooden, the cinematography is murky, the script is broken and uneven. The best part of the movie is when we get to see Catherine McCormacks tits when she is writhing on the bed after having taken some unnamed narcotic and unfortunately we have to wait through most of the movie for that. If you have this on your Netflix list, remove it, the movie is really not worth seeing. Instead get the 1979 remake of Nosferatu with Klaus Kinski, it is a well made, intelligent movie well worth seeing.

Review: Your Highness

Anyone who has played a D&D game with or as 15 year olds, has probably experienced a similar lowbrow humor which was prevalent in Your Highness. If you are not a fan of stoner jokes or penis jokes, you should probably stay away from this movie. There are some genuinely funny moments in the movie, unfortunately, there are not enough of them to carry the movie and unfortunately too many of the jokes were simply crude and unfunny. There are some decent action scenes, but again, as with the humor, there are just not enough of them.

I am not a big fan of Natlie Portman, she is not a particularly good actress and her performance here was dull and uninteresting even by her normal standard. I can usually forgive a poor casting choice, bad acting, or a poorly executed script as long as the actors seem to understand they are making a bad movie and seem to be having some fun with it. Portman looks as though she is doing someone she doesn’t like a favor by appearing in this movie. As for the others, Danny McBride and James Franco do passable work, although their comedic timing could have been better. I am a fan of Zooey Deschanel, she is a character actor who does a pretty good deadpan, unfortunately she does not particularly shine in this movie. The best lines of the movie go to Justin Theroux as Leezar the evil wizard villain.

So, if you have a couple hours to burn with nothing better to do, go a head and catch the movie, or better yet, wait 6 months for the DVD, have some friends over, smoke some weed and watch the movie, you will probably get a few laughs out of it.

Orginal Star Wars LP

PezWitch picked up a copy of the original LP for Star Wars off of ebay for like $10, which included this poster, now hanging in her grrl cave.

2011-03-19 15.06.10

Review: The Green Hornet

I was not going to write a review of this movie, not because I didn’t like it, but rather simply because it was not what it could have been. First, don’t waste your money on seeing the 3D version, the 3D simply does not add anything to the movie. Before this movie was released, my expectations were extremely low. Seth Rogan is a mildly amusing comedic actor and I have enjoyed some of his previous work, but I felt he was miscast in this roll and the fact that he was one of the writers didn’t help much either.

After I saw it I changed my mind, as io9 said, the Green Hornet is basically a watchable stoner movie. Okay, its not an academy award winner with a deep and memorable script and dedicated inspiring actors, but what it is, is a fun romp, a nice blend between a comedy, an action adventure and a Bro movie. Rogan and Chou play off each other very well, Chou is an excellent straight man to Rogans goofball. Unfortunately for her, Cameron Diaz comes off as the third wheel in this movie. Diaz has mediocre screen presence and when she is paired with other actors with the same problem, she does well, but when put on stage with someone like Rogan, she fades into the background. Fortunately for her, the movie was not about her character. In this team, her character is the sidekick to the Green Hornet/Kato partnership.

This is one of those movies that has a good amount of cheesy fun, so ignore the bad reviews this movie is getting and go see it anyway. Unless you are very serious person who only goes to see very serious movies, you will enjoy it.

This is every D&D game I have ever played

I don’t generally go in for this type of movie, but the trailer had me rolling on the floor. Seriously, who when asked, “How do you plan to do that ?”, hasn’t wanted to reply with, “MAGIC……MOTHERFUCKER !”. I may not go to the theatre for it, but it is definitely going into my Netflix queue. If you are at work, make sure you have headphones on, the language is NSFW.

http://media.ign.com/ev/prod/embed.swf

More Your Highness Videos

New take on Alignment

I stole this from Wil Wheaton’s blog. It is incredibly funny and I was compelled to share it with the world, or at least my 3 readers. If you don’t get it, then I have to ask, what are you doing here anyway ?

RE: Harry Potter Episode 7

The newest Harry Potter movie was a bit like The Empire Strikes Back. The movie spent a lot of time setting up the story for the next film. The down side of this was there were a lot of slow moments in the film where Harry is navel gazing. The up side is there was a lot of character development, we get to see Harry, Ron and Hermione start to grow into the heroes they are suppose to be and the Ron/Hermione relationship is finally starting to move. While I do try to stay spoiler free in these reviews, I will say the Harry/Hermione snogging scene was well done and sort of hot.

Like The Empire Strikes Back, I think this movie will be regarded as the least loved the series because of its slow pacing, however, it is a necessary evil and makes the over all series better. If you didn’t go see the midnight showing last night, you can probably wait a couple weeks to see the movie, but don’t wait for DVD, this movie is well worth seeing in the theatres.

Harry Potter Episode 7

Tonight we are going to the midnight showing of the new Harry Potter movie. I am not sure exactly why, but apparently if we don’t go tonight, we will not get another opportunity for several weeks. Needless to say, after dinner I am taking a nap, otherwise I will not make it through this two and a half hour monstrosity. Over the last several weeks we have been re-watching the previous movies in preparation for this. Tomorrow I will write a review.

Review: RED

As far as Bruce Willis movies go, this is one of the better ones. What I liked best about the movie was everything seemed to be age appropriate, no 80 year old men with liver cancer doing cinematic kung fu fights.Yes, Bruce Willis gets into a knock down drag out fight and wins, but he does get the snot beaten out of him and it is obvious he is a guy who was once a great spy, but is now long passed his prime.

Mary Louise-Parker plays the romantic interest and again she is a excellent age appropriate choice to play the role. The producers could have easily cast some pretty young and useless starlet, but the decision to cast a skilled 46 year old actress instead was wise and added much to the overall tone. I am glad the character was written as someone who realizes she is out of her depth and cautiously stays out of everyone’s way and does not do laughably stupid things. Parker, I think realized she was probably the least important of the primary characters and played to that as a strength.

Of course the best character in the movie is not Willis’s character, but rather Marvin, played by John Malkovich. Marvin is a paranoid conspiracy theorist, who dominates several scenes, even one where he is shown only for a few seconds through a window. The character reminds me somewhat of Dan Aykroyd’s character Mother, in Sneakers.

Over all I enjoyed the movie. If you like Bruce Willis, then you will definitely like this one.


Things are going be quiet here until probably Friday, when Comic Con starts.

Green Lantern the Movie

Picture no longer available

I was not very enthusiastic about Ryan Reynolds playing Hal Jordan/Green Lantern. I do not think Reynolds was even close to a good choice, his goof ball persona does not work for me. Now seeing this picture of the Green Lantern Power Battery, all I can say is, Really, is this the best you can do ? I really hope this movie is at least watchable. Green Lantern has been my favorite comic book character for decades. The whole “Born without Fear” thing was very appealing to a small nerd boy who was always afraid of everything. Unfortunately, I have a very bad feeling about how this movie is going to turn out.

Bad ideas: Rocky Horror Picture Show Remake

Let me be completely clear:

A remake of the Rocky Horror Picture Show, should not, under any fucking circumstance, ever, Ever, EVER, be made !

http://io9.com/5667413/glee-creator-will-remake-the-rocky-horror-picture-show-++-for-real

Review: Harvie Krumpet

PezWitch and I watched this animated short a while back. Harvie Krumpet is suppose to be a tale of eternal optimism in the face of extreme bad luck, what I call it is “Misery Porn”. The writer basically tortured the character with horrible life events with little or no reprieve and we are suppose to come away with a warm feeling because the main character is basically too stupid to understand his life. This movie is depressing, I do not recommend watching it if you are in a good mood, because this will ruin it, and do not watch it if you are depressed, you will likely cut your wrists open before the closing credits. In fact I do not recommend watching it at all and if you do, plan on immediately going out to do something fun and entertaining right afterwards.

The A-Team

Saw the A-Team yesterday, I would have posted this last night, but my Internet connection was down. Apparently my ISP, CenturyLink really screwed the pooch, because their infrastructure for the entire state of Texas was down until 4 AM this morning. Fortunately I was prepared and had previously installed ScribeFire for off line blogging.

So back to the movie. I was really expecting to be disappointed, I usually am disappointed by remakes, especially remakes of shows I genuinely loved. The A-Team was a good lot of fun, explosions, off the wall action scenes and plenty of nods to the original show. They made good casting choices, didn’t over reach the script and kept the characters as close to home as they could while allowing each actor to do their own take. There was very little character development, B.A. and Face got the most, but this is an origin story and the point of an origin story is to establish characters that can be built upon and developed in later movies. If you are looking for a serious and topical movie or you plan to nit pick the unrealistic action scenes, don’t go see the A-Team, but if you want 2 hours pure escapist fun, this is definitely for you.

25 years of The Goonies

Yes, today is the 25th anniversary of the iconic 80’s movie The Goonies. Over at io9 they have a clip of a deleted scene from the movie. Well worth the couple of minutes to watch. This movie has held up extremely well over time and is still very watchable and a lot of fun.

The Star Wars we knew

Today, May 21st, is the 30th anniversary of the theatrical release of The Empire Strikes Back. Many people, PezWitch included, do not particularly like this second installment of the series. Personally, I think it stands on its own very well for many reasons. A New Hope was a classic action adventure movie, although set in space, could have just as a easily been a WWII movie or a western. As a family, A New Hope, was the extroverted athletic oldest brother, The Empire Strikes Back was the introverted, overly serious and geeky middle child, while Return of the Jedi was the goofy little brother.

In episode one the good guys won, things did not go so well in episode two. Han Solo is betrayed by his friend Lando Calrissian, Lando is in turn betrayed by Darth Vader. Princess Leia finds love with Han, only to have him captured and turned over to Boba Fett. Luke Skywalker, finds out the girl he has been lusting after is his sister, looses his hand, finds out the most evil man in the galaxy is in fact his father AND everyone, including his mentor Obi Wan Kenobi lied to him about it. The Empire Strikes Back was in fact, a fairly respectable Greek tragedy.

The Empire Strikes Back had the best character development of the three movies, each of the three primary characters start more or less in the same place they were at the end of A New Hope. However, by the end of the movie all three had be punched to the floor and kicked in groin for good measure, they each had bottomed out and reached new lows in their lives. Each would, by the end of the third film, find new strength none of them knew they had and this inner strength and resolve came directly from having survived the events of the second movie. The Empire Strikes Back was pivotal and probably the most important of the three movies, it was where Luke, Leia and Han all grow up and become what they were meant to be.